Naruto, Harry, a Dead Unicorn and a story on crack
by Wild Distraction
Summary: Working Title/Naruto and the rest of team 7 is transported to the wizarding world. Shurikens and confusion ensues. Warning: this Fanfic must be ready with a sense of humor. Please leave a comment or follow if you like.
1. Chapter 1, Naruto has appeared

The Triwizard Tournament was about to be held a second time for Harry Potter as a student of Hogwarts. But this time, every wizarding school from every country has appeared on the steps of Hogwarts for a chance at winning prestige, every country except for Japan and it was causing a stir as to why they weren't here yet.

"Dumbledore wants us to see if there was anything wrong with the portkey." Harry said to Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, who together were looking at a suspicious Playstation 3 in the middle of a grassy field.

"So, this is the portkey to Japan?" Ron asked just to try and make conversation.

"Isn't it exciting finally have a school of wizardry where the girls outnumber the boys?!" Hermione asked, but this time full of sincerity.

"Quite, I'm very excited!" Ron replied with a form of giddy.

"Ron" Hermione looked curiously at the red haired boy, "I never seen you this excited before, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing" Ron replied while pushing aside several question volumes of Magical Girl Madoka into his side bag.

"Tell me what you're hiding!" Hermione demanded.

While Hermione and Ron begins fussing over Ron's questionable taste in art Harry quickly looks into his own bag and push asides his volumes of Card Captor Sakura.

"Wait," Ron shouted "I hear something!"

"Oh please Ron, I'm not falling for that." Hermione stated her resolve in finding out what Ron has been hiding until a loud lightning bolt made a cracking sound.

Hermione looked around and noticed that the three of them were in the middle of a lightning storm that boomed repetitively. Without any delay a large shocking bolt cracked between the three and struck the Playstation 3.

"The portkey!" Hermione notified the other two.

The three look at the smoky ruins of the Playstation 3 and spot 3 other teenagers who looked a bit confused as to what happened.

"What happened, did something go wrong with the chidori?!" the newly arrived blonde boy asked.

"I don't know, where's the Akatsuki member?! Did you see where he went Sasuke?" a pink haired girl asked the dark hair boy with red eyes.

Without a moment the blonde boy begins to act by throwing a shuriken at Ron Weasley, "I see someone, that must be the target!"

"Naruto, that wasn't the targ-" Sasuke was cut off with a loud scream.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Ron screamed.

"Then-" without another thought Naruto throws another shuriken "That must be the Akatsuki member."

Harry begins screaming as well after a Shuriken lands directly in the middle of his forehead.

"That wasn't the target either!" Sasuke shouted.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Harry continues screaming.

"God" the pink haired girl pouted "this is worse than the time we visited the rabbit farm."

"Don't worry Sakura, I'm sure this one is the target!" Naruto reassured while looking at Hermione, "but I can't find any more shurikens."

"My goodness, would you please stop killing us?!" Hermione asked while Sakura quickly tackles Naruto who was still looking through his bag.

"Huh" Naruto heard Hermione's scream and thought for a second "that voice doesn't sound like any Akatsuki member we know."

Naruto finally decides to look at the person before he throws anymore deadly objects.

"You're right." Naruto agreed with Sakura, "It isn't an Akatsuki member, in fact, this person looks feminine and rather cute-" Naruto pauses again. "-it must be the boy Haku, dressed up as a girl again! Now what can I throw at him-"

"Naruto, it is a girl!" said Sakura.

"Okay, but I still can't find any more shuriken. So, what can I throw at _her_?" Naruto corrected himself to let the rest of his team know he'll be throwing something at a girl this time.

"Quit throwing things!" Hermione commanded. "Goodness, what kind of wizards are you?!"

"Wizards?" Sasuke was puzzled. "We're not wizards, we're ninjas."

"Ninjas?" Hermione was also puzzled. "There's no way a portkey would be able to transport anyone other than witches or wizards, let alone ninjas-"

Hermione's sentence was quickly cut off by Sakura.

"Naruto, what are you do-"

"I found my shuriken!" Naruto answers and preemptively throws his weapon. "Ninja-no-jutsu!" Naruto yells as the object flies from his fingers.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" another scream can be heard screaming, but this time in the voice of a hissing snake.

"That sounded like Orochimaru!" Naruto said with satisfaction "That had to be an Akatsuki member."

"No, that was Voledermort...!" Hermione gasped while trying to think of more to say.

And so it was, on the day the wizarding school of Japan failed to appear, the secret world of wizards knew of the existence of Team 7 from the hidden village of Konoha and everyone cheered, Naruto, the boy who throws pointy things.


	2. Chapter 2, I wouldn't know how to relate

Minerva McGonagall was in a rare mood that night, sitting in the common area of Gryfindor with Hermione, Ron, Harry and the three teenage ninjas.

"So-" McGonagall was trying to make sense of the report she obtained from Hermione "Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter incurred ninja wounds while waiting for the wizarding class from Japan. And it just so happened that Sakura, one of the three who appeared from the portkey was a ninja doctor who can heal ninja wounds. Yet all these wounds came from Sakura's retarded ninja teammate named Naruto."

"-I wasn't going to use those choice of words but Sakura said-" Hermione tried to explain but was cut off by a frustrated McGonagall.

"-furthermore, this retarded ninja defeated Voldemort by throwing something he THOUGHT was a shuriken" Mcgonagall was a bit louder.

"It turned out Naruto threw a mongoose" Hermione reported " I still have no idea where he found one."

"Okay," McGonagall exhaled again before she continued with what she could understand so far, "on your way back to the school Naruto found his stack of shuriken and injured a total of 46 students."

"47" Naruto corrected the professor.

"-yet," McGonagall ignored the blonde boy "the only person who tried to stop him was Sakura while another teammate,'Sasuke' did nothing."

"OF COURSE NOT, I thought it was funny as hell the first two time" Sasuke replied.

"And the other 45 time?"

"I thought it'd be funnier" Sasuke answered with dissapointment.

"Yeah, I'd probably think it would be funny as hell too if only Ron got hit" Harry Potter somehow agreed.

"Let's ignore all of this happened," McGonagall seemed like she was ready to let the three newly arrived teenagers off the hook out of pure frustration "at least tell me what happened to Voldemort."

"That Orochimaru guy? He got away" Naruto answered.

"That wasn't Orochimaru" Sasuke told Naruto "Orochimaru had me study his body in great detail, so I'm sure it's not him."

"Yeah..." Harry tried to comment about Sasuke's statement "I wouldn't know how to relate."

"Back on topic!" McGonagall commanded before the conversation became more awkward and asked the three ninjas "Can you three find a way back home?"

"To be honest, we don't know how we got here" Sakura answered.

"I guess it would have come to this" McGonagall said with a very annoyed but mature tone "I guess I have no choice but to let you three stay here until you can find a way back home. Hermione and Harry will show you three around, but before that."

McGonagall lifts up her wand and points it Naruto's bag which causes shurikens to levitate out of it.

"Ballo Verto!" McGonagall spoke softly but caused the shurikens to violently transfigure into baseballs.

"Noooooo!" Naruto yelled as he saw his tiny shurikens turn into large high density throwing objects "what am I going to do with all of these?!"

McGonagall's face finally showed a hint of satisfaction and told the group "now out, all of you" with a shooing motion telling them to leave.

"What am I going to do with all these balls?!" Naruto yelled at McGonagall once more.

"Don't worry Naruto, Orochimaru taught me a lot of ball handling techniques when no one was looking, I could teach you how to use them."

"Yeah..." Harry tried to comment about Sasuke's statement "I wouldn't know how to relate."

Ron quickly ran away from Naruto as soon as the meeting was over while Harry was trying to calm a depressed Naruto who lost some of his invaluable ninja weapons.

"Don't worry Naruto, I'm sure there's loads of things you can do with a baseball" Harry said.

"Yeah right" Naruto said with an angry sarcastic voice "I can't even use these with my ninja technique. Watch" Naruto said and raised a baseball over his shoulder, "ninja no jutsu!"

Naruto whips his arm and throws the baseball as hard as he could. The three of them pauses to watch the baseball fly throw the air and hit professor Quirrell in the back of his head.

"See, if it were a rock I would have knocked a person unconscious!" Naruto said while the three of them continued watching professor Quirrell acting frantic in trying to unravel his turban.

Professor Quirrell seemed as if he was talkign to the back of his head, "Master, are you okay?! Master, please answer if you're still conscious, master!"

"You know" Sasuke said to Naruto while they continued to observe Quirrell who was in a panic "a baseball is usually a lot more heavier and denser than your average rock, I was expecting you to give him a hemorrhage.

"You're bleeding master!" Quirrell screamed as he got blood on his hand after rubbing underneath his turban.

"Now that I notice, didn't you tell me you defeated a professor wearing a turban once?" Sasuke asked Harry, "isn't that the same guy?"

"Yeah, that's Professor Quirrell, the school rehired him because of budget cuts" Harry answered while still watching the professor run around looking for first aid kits.

"I thought you killed him" said Sasuke.

"What? With the power of love?!" Harry said while laughing "I hope you honestly don't believe that, I only burned him a little."

"When I was training with Orochimaru he taught me how to use very powerful love to defeat my opponent" Sasuke explained "We even set a few couches on fire once."

"Yeah..." Harry tried to comment about Sasuke's statement "I wouldn't know how to relate."

Naruto quickly changes the subject before the conversation got any more awkward "So, tell me about this whole being a wizard thing."

"It's nothing special really I've been a wizard for most of my life without even realizing it" Harry told the two boys "It's hilarious really."

Naruto thinks really hard for a second and says slowly "Maybe I am a wizard and haven't realized it..." and mumbles a bit more. "Okay, I'm going to try it!"

"Try what?" Harry asked.

"I'm going to try a wizard spell to see if I truly am a wizard" Naruto explains and quickly snatches away Harry's wand, being the ninja that he was. "I'm going to try to make something levitate towards me" Naruto said and chants "Wingardium Leviosa!"

At that exact moment a baseball hurls towards Naruto and strikes him on the side of his cranium with none of the boys having realized Quirrell was shouting in a heap of sweat from a strenuous activity "Take that ball back, you little punk!"

"I did it!" Naruto declared happily with a bruise on his head, " I must really be a wizard!"

"Maybe," Harry agreed, not knowing where the baseball came from, "but you're all bruised up, maybe we should take you to the clinic."

"Nah, it's okay" Naruto said "I'll get better from a good night rest."

"It is late" Sasuke agreed "usually I'd be worried, Orochimaru always tells me to get back to the room before bedtime."

"Yeah..." Harry tried to comment about Sasuke's statement "I wouldn't-"

Before Harry could finish repeating himself, an old Albus Dumbledore appears in his night robe while holding a candle "Harry Potter, get back to the room before bedtime! You have a big day tomorrow, you need to learn new techniques for handling the tiny golden ball in your quidditch game and then it's defense against the dark arts through the power of love, hopefully this time you can do more than just set the pillows in the bedroom on fire. Honestly, there's so much in your schedule for tomorrow, you'll be lucky to be able to put your pants on correctly. By the way, as a personal favor, I need you to study my body, I think I feel a lump."

"Oh, god damn it!" Harry shouted while Sasuke and Naruto were both staring at the boy and were thinking something odd was happening.


	3. Chapter 3, Twilight and Sparkles

It has only been a day since McGonagall had released Naruto into her school and she was already experiencing another headache. Once again, McGonagall had called in Team 7, Harry, Ron and Hermione to her office.

"Why are we here again?!" Naruto asked. "I swear, I thought Draco could survive a Rasengan."

"Right," McGonagall continued talking. "I have received two reports from last night: first, Professor Quirrell has made a complaint that a blonde student in a orange jumpsuit had brutalized him while the other professors reported that he seemed to be mourning for the back of his head-"

Naruto kept talking over McGonagall. "I swear, if Draco couldn't take a Rasengan, he shouldn't be talking so much trash!"

McGonagall continued. "After I heard of Professor Quirrell's report, I received a second report about dead unicorns appearing around the forbidden forest with all of their blood drained."

"What is it you would like us to do?" Sakura asked.

"Well, you're ninjas, reconnaissance should be your specialty." McGonagall explained. "I want Team 7 to investigate and find out what has been happening."

"Wow," Sakura said while being red on the cheeks. "I didn't know you had that much faith in us."

"I don't," McGonagall explained and pointed her nose at Naruto. "I just need to keep that retarded ninja busy and out of trouble. That's why I called in Harry, Ron, and Hermione to keep an eye on him while the investigation transpires."

"-I bet Draco can't even handle the thousand years of pain technique." Naruto continued to talk in a corner.

McGonagall continued talking. "Get going, the sooner Naruto gets out of this building, the safer it is."

The six people begin to leave the room, but McGonagall fits in enough time to say one more thing. "Ron."

"What is it professor?" Ron asked.

"I want you to check on Draco Malfoy later. Who knows what Naruto did to him, Draco might have exploded, been set on fire, or sodomized or something. I have no idea what ability that Naruto character has in his repertoire." McGonagall said and then sent them on their way.

The 6 teens entered the forest with Harry guiding them while Hermione and team 7 made chitchat while Ron hid in the background.

"So, you have a forest around your school too?" Hermione asked Sakura.

"Well, it's in the town, it has this very generic name which everyone seems to forget." Sakura answered.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "It was called the Forest of 'something', I really can't remember it even though it relates to me in so many ways."

"I should know it too," Sasuke said. "it was the first time Orochimaru introduced me to his snakes and power. It left a mark around my throat." Sasuke rubs his neck where his cursed seal is located.

Harry tried to say something in reply, but begins to grumble in annoyance.

"It was so hot and we were so sweaty that day." Sasuke said.

Harry grumbled more.

"Did you say something?" Hermione asked Harry.

"Nothing," Harry tries changing the subject. "but yesterday, right after Naruto brutalized Professor Quirrell, we found out Naruto was a wizard."

"Yeah, I casted a levitation spell, and I totally levitated something!" Naruto said.

"Oh, wow," Hermione remarked. "maybe you three might be wizards after all!"

"No, I think it's unlikely." Sasuke disagreed.

"But think about it Sasuke, what type of ninjas can control water or create lightning from their hands and raise the dead like Orochimaru or Kabuto can? Maybe we are wizards in this world." Naruto said.

"No," Sasuke said and came up with his own reasoning "my parents were killed right in front of my own eyes when I was a child. I have wanted revenge ever since and studied hard to learn crazy martial arts and stuff. I'm more likely to be Batman."

"That makes so much sense!" Naruto said with a euphoric expression.

"Quite," Sasuke said and threw out a metal string to one of the tree branches and begins to swing away. "I'm going to test this theory by interrogating people while dressed as a giant bat."

"Is Batman real?" Harry asked Hermione.

"I don't know, but that boy scares me" Hermione answered.

Harry and the rest of the team had no luck in tracking the whereabouts of the unicorn killer and circled the woods several times passing by centaurs, giant spiders and Fluffy, the three headed dog. None of which had any clue as to where the killer may be even after Naruto spent several hours talking to the canine, thinking it was a special tailed-beast.

The only person who made any progress in the investigation was Sasuke, dressed as a giant bat, interrogating a Dementor who was eating a falafel.

"Where is he?!" Sasuke screamed.

The Dementor didn't say anything but continued to munch on his falafel.

"WHERE IS HE?!" Sasuke screamed again.

But the Dementor continued in eating his falafel.

Eventually however, the Dementor ran out of falafel, broke down crying and pointed at a shadowy figure that seemed to also sparkle.

"That must be the target!" Naruto runs off yelling. "I'm totally going to kill it!"

"Naruto!" Sakura yells back. "This is reconnaissance mission, there's no killing involved!"

"I get it, reconnaissance mission, _then _kill the target!" Naruto had paused to answer.

"No, no killing the target!" Hermione joined in on the conversation as well.

"But I have to kill something!" Naruto explains. "What type ninja would I be if I didn't kill something?!"

"No, no killing!"

"Fine, I won't kill the target." Naruto agrees and they continue chasing the sparkling shadowy figure.

They had chased the figure through the entire forest several times. While the target was strong enough to create many obstacles to try and slow them down, such as pushing down trees and pushing random vans into the path. The obstacles were futile against the agile ninjas and the three wizards that had began flying through the forest on broomsticks.

"He's strong and he sparkles!" Naruto noted and then concluded. "He must be a vampire!"

"Don't be ridiculous Naruto." Hermione said. "Vampires can't survive in broad daylight."

"You're right," Naruto seemed to have gained some sense. "but this person likes unicorns, is obviously a strong male and also sparkles."

The team remains quiet for a second, waiting for Naruto's conclusion.

"That person must be a brony!" Naruto shouts.

"Don't be ridiculous Naruto." Hermione said. "bronies can't survive in broad day-."

Hermione's sentence was soon cut off as the target stops moving and begins to talk while standing in the middle of a well-lit area. "I guess you figured it out."

Everyone is shocked that the target has begun talking to them.

"I am," the target talks while stepping closer to them, and more deeply into the light. "a brony vampire!"

"Oh my goodness, this is ridiculous!" Hermione comments.

"Wait," Naruto asked. "are you a vampire who became a brony or a person who was bitten by another vampire brony?"

"I am neither, I was a brony who had one goal, to become a sparkling vampire of my own free will and then, I will bite ponies and make sparkling ponies!" The target answers. "I have study all the scholarly text by Stephanie Meyers-"

Hermione begins to groan from the ridiculousness of the claim.

"-and came to the conclusion that with my new found powers, I can make ponies glitter!" The target explained.

"But I knew you would all figure it out, and it is no surprise to the world's greatest detective!" The target yells at Sasuke who was still in his bat costume.

"He's not Batman" Sakura said.

"I'm Batman." Sasuke retorted.

"But you are too late, detective, my vampire unicorn hybrid has been made." The target laughs and pointed at a corpse of a unicorn which began to move again. "I present to you, Twilight Sparkles!"

The team stares blankly at the unicorn which begins to sparkle in the shade of purple, except for Hermione who continued to groan.

"So, you killed so many unicorns just to achieve this?! You're a monster!" Harry said.

"Yes, but my dream has been achieved, my dream was everything to me!" The target explained. "Do you know what it is like to achieve your dreams?! Can you say _anything_ about that?!"

Naruto was the next person to talk but only because his ADHD was acting up again. "I just remembered what our forest in Konoha was named." Naruto said cheerfully. "It was called the Forest of-" Naruto reaches into his bag "-Death!" Without a moment's notice Naruto throws a baseball in supersonic speed and makes a loud '_thonk'_ noise.

"Twilight Sparkles!" The target screamed "No!"

The entire team looks at Naruto who was proud that he had just killed a horse.

"At least I didn't kill the target" Naruto said while Hermione continues to groan.


End file.
